


Guide To Taking Care Of Your Danger Noodle

by ThatTallQueerBassist



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: (Danger Noodle really), (I blame MuffinLance for the creation of this), (he's just a bby), @MuffinLance come gaze upon this monsterous creation born of your beautiful fic/ideas, Dragons, Gen, Help, I am easily motivated by kind comments, I don't know what I'm doing with this, I have regrets, I wrote this instead of finishing my homework, I'm sorry I'm such a unreliable updater, Imma leave this here, My First Fanfic, No beta we die like men (FOOLISHLY), Noodle Dragons, RIP math grade, Shame, There will be no turtleduck eating on this ship, Turtleducks, Well - Freeform, Zuko is an Awkward Turtleduck, but like have yall seen that one where the gaang is turned into turtleducks?, but not for THIS, dragon!zuko, how dare you suggest Danger Noodle do that, i love that thats a tag, maybe you can, no beta we die like men, oof, why's that not a tag, yes i ran with your ideas you can't have them back
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:22:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27257878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatTallQueerBassist/pseuds/ThatTallQueerBassist
Summary: Inspired entirely by MuffinLance's Dragon!Zuko AU, and I would like to apologize for not doing it the justice it deserves, but I had to write it, as my brain would not allow me to let it go.(pls be nice, this is my first time posting here/sharing a fanfic I wrote with anyone)Get some sleep you heathens. And maybe eat something. Or Photosynthesize. (yes, that one has put down roots in my head too, curse your amazingness MuffinLance!!)
Relationships: Bato & Hakoda & Zuko (Avatar), Hakoda & Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 62
Kudos: 376





	1. Sea Prunes

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MuffinLance](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MuffinLance/gifts).
  * Inspired by [The One Where Zuko's Hair Matches Sokka's and Other Tales](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21632206) by [MuffinLance](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MuffinLance/pseuds/MuffinLance). 



> (I know Dragon!Zuko was supposed to be shapeshifting, but I decided I wanted to focus on the dragon bit more, thus, he is stuck like this until he figures out how to change back >:) )

**Guide To Taking Care Of Your Danger Noodle**

**1 - Don’t attempt to confine it.**

This lesson was one learned the hard way, when #3 found a bird cage in the cargo hold. Danger Noodle was not amused, and decided that it would injure itself until it was left out. It has been said amongst the ship that it was lucky that their captain is soft for small creatures. Danger Noodle disagrees, and claims that it was all a part of their master plan.

**2 - Feed it. Regularly.**

Danger noodles are not plants, although I am unsure of how one could mistake it for such, given the bright red scales, sharp claws, and fire that burns within it, sometimes let out with a tiny roar. Danger noodles will eat most anything, with the exception of most leafy greens. Sea prunes appeared to be a favorite with their particular Danger Noodle, but that could just be that one. After all, all the rumors point towards dragons relying mostly on meat for their diet, so why did this small one eat sea prunes whenever possible?

**3 - Don’t chase it.**

Unless, of course, it’s flying into the sea, away from any land, and your thankfully floating boat. Then, you must follow it, and wait for it to collapse from exhaustion, and reel it back onto your boat. If it attempts this multiple times, do not be alarmed.

**4 - Do not turn away attempts to cuddle.**

Danger noodles are cold blooded, and as you head into colder waters, your danger noodles’ body heat will be running dangerously low. If you are deemed a good enough heater, you may be blessed with being chosen for cuddles. What do you mean it’s warm again? It is obviously cold enough that Danger Noodle needs cuddles, jUST FOR THE WARMTH STOP LAUGHING I”M NOT CUTE!!

**5 - Do not attempt to restrain it. At all.**

This may sound redundant given the first rule, but as it turns out, putting mittens on your danger noodle to stop it from hurting itself with it’s sharp claws when all it wants to do is itch it’s poor growing horns, is NOT a good idea. Even if it’s adorable. Extra word of advice, although it seems impossible, your danger noodle is still capable of climbing the mast of your ship. How? Easy. One part spie, two part rage, and a bucket full of determination. (ropes help too, as do a helpful stool (‘I am NOT a stool!’) for extra height.)

**6 - Do not give it back to it’s scheming slimeball of a genetic donor.**

Enough said.

**7 - Don’t give it fire flakes.**

Trust me when I say this, dragon flame is already hot enough, and boats are made of wood. (‘Well…’ ‘Fine, OUR ship is made of wood. It is very hard to replace parts of your deck in the middle of the ocean..’)

**8 - Do not allow it to be cornered by a cat.**

Cats are almighty, powerful beings, and will tear into your precious noodle baby with tiny flames and soft scales. Keep an eye on all of the floofy monsters who wish to harm your noodle.

**9 - Do not dispose of, or sell it’s molted skin.**

BAD IDEA. VERY BAD. (you may lose a few fingers, or your life. It depends on the level of mercy your danger noodle has, and how much patience for stupidity)

_This is the log of Important Danger Noodle Care guide: Months_ _1-4_


	2. Danger Noodles are High Maintenance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Turtleducks. (Someone tell Toklo to shut his pie hole)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to about 6 comments saying I should continue, I have. If only I had done this before, I would be finished so fast..
> 
> Anyways, Thank you all for your kind comments, and kudos! I'm so glad people are enjoying this ^v^
> 
> Hydrate or diedrate, take in some sustenance, and keep the sea prunes out of reach of small danger noodles. 
> 
> Love y'all!
> 
> (Edit: askjdghdskg muffinlance appeared and I din't realize it wa them when I replied to them like !!?!?!???!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhh i'm so excited i just- i can't I'm freaking out- ok im done enjoy bye)

**10 - Do not attempt to take back any nesting materials it may have taken.**

Whatever it was that it took, it’s theirs now, and you’re never getting it back. ( _ ‘C’mon, that’s my only blanket left!’ ‘HISSS’ ‘Please?’ ‘HISSSS’) _

**11 - What do you mean dragons aren’t supposed to eat sea prunes?!?**

We don’t talk about this. (that..helpful merchant no longer has a stall. On a side not, do not allow your easily offended danger noodle near flammable stalls. No, this is not at all related to that helpful merchant whose stall burnt down. You don’t know what you’re talking about.)

**12 - Do not allow your danger noodle to ‘fish’.**

Don’t. Your catch will be scared away by the flailing warm noodle baby who is oh so desperately trying to assist you. If you choose to allow it, don’t be surprised when it starts ‘racing’ the fish. ( _ ‘It’s not racing if one of you isn’t moving..’ ‘HISSSSS!’ ‘Fine be that way, but I’m not throwing you a net to climb up this time!’ _ )(He did.) Nets are the best way to get your sopping wet danger noodle out of the water before it actually drowns. Don’t listen to it, it probably can’t fly yet if it can’t even swim. (*enraged hissing* ‘It’s true!! Ouch don’t bite me!’)

**13 - Don’t allow the danger noodle into the kitchen.**

If your danger noodle somehow manages to catch a fish, against all odds, do not let it into the kitchen to help. The pan you had to cook the fish? Theirs now. That wooden bowl that used to hold fruit? Mysteriously missing. The sea prunes that were being prepared for dinner? ( _ ‘Tui and La, danger noodles aren’t supposed to eat sea prunes! You know this!!’ ‘HISSSSS’ _ ) On a side note, dragons do not react well to eating salt. Proceed with caution. (If they do get into the salt like the silly noodle they are, supply them with extra fresh water. If you do not wish to be making extra stops because your fresh water supplies ran out, we advise not feeding your noodle salty foods.)

**14 - Do not feed your danger noodle tea.**

They take offense with the hot leaf juice. Hot leaf juice with hornet honey however, is tolerable. (‘Are they allowed to eat honey?’ ‘HISSS’ ‘I don’t think it matters at this point..’)

**15 - If your Noodle gets adopted, you must take their new family as well.**

This is why we now have a crate dedicated to the turtleducks family. Momma Turtleduck was not pleased when we attempted to separate them. (Side note, do NOT make Momma Turtleducks mad. It cannot even be compared to the wrath of azula, then again, mothers have a way of striking fear into your hearts.) 

**16 - Do not allow anyone to mention eating the adoptee family. Your noodle will not be pleased.**

No, really, we had to replace all our sails, and many hammocks. DON’T do this. (‘I said I was sorry!’ ‘HISSSS’)

**17 - If you see your noodle carrying feathers, do not ask if it ate one of it’s adopted family members. It will not be pleased.**

(‘I SAID I WAS SORRY!!’ *fires being set to the anything and everything possible* ‘Maybe next time, you’ll  _ keep your mouth shut and this won’t happen again _ .’)

**18 - You are now banned from eating any of the adoptee family’s species. No, it doesn’t matter that it’s not actually your noodles family, it makes the noodle upset.**

(‘WHEN WILL YOU LEARN?!??’ ‘I’M SORRY!!!’ ‘HISSSSSS’)

**19 - Do not laugh at your noodle being scolded by his new mother.**

Even if it’s adorable, and entertaining to see this small turtleduck mother scolding a fire breathing snake with legs and wings, you do not laugh. Any giggles will be punished with the liberation of your shoes off the side of the ship. To win back it’s favor, you may be allowed to generously give your portion of sea prunes to the Danger Noodle. No, you don’t have a choice. (‘Sea prunes still aren’t good for you..’ *slowly drags bowl of sea prunes towards them anyway* *sigh*)

  
  


_ This is the log of Important Danger Noodle Care Guide: Months 4-6 _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, if anyone is interested in seeing more, I will do my best to provide. (If any of yall have requests/ideas about danger noodle zuko.... welll I would love to steal/borrow them ;)
> 
> Love y'all, stay safe, and yes, I do listen to girl in red ;) (not that anyone asked, but oh well XD)


	3. Flying. (and swimming??)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Turtleducks do not have wings. Danger noodles do. 
> 
> (plus an extra scene as an apology for disapearing!)

20 - Do not allow humans to try to teach your danger noodle to fly. 

I don’t care if you had good intentions, if you cannot fly yourself, you are not a qualified teacher. Besides, jumping off the mast with a hammock attached to your arms is just a bad idea in general. The danger noodle will have to learn to fly by itself. Although, if it doesn’t stop gorging itself on sea prunes, it may be unable to get off the ground. (*pointed stare* *continues to eat sea prunes* *sigh*) 

21 - Do not allow it’s adopted family to teach it to fly either.

Turtleducks, also, cannot fly. I don’t care if you’re half duck, you don’t have wings. 

22 - Do not allow the adopted family to attempt to teach it to swim.

If you have no other choice, at least standby with a net to fish out your danger noodle before it drowns because claws are not as efficient as webbed feet. 

23 - If your weapons/shiny objects are going missing, don’t bother looking for them.

Your danger noodle has it. Again, you’re not getting it back. Maybe,  _ maybe _ you will be permitted to borrow it from the hoard. (However unlikely that may be) If you offer them something better for the hoard, you may even get ownership of your item back! (don’t count on it)

  
  


_ This is the Log of Important Danger Noodle Care Guide: Month 7 _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
(Here's an extra little tidbit <3)

“..Chief?”

“Don’t ask.” 

The crew’s eyes follow a downy feather that fell from their chief's head. They looked at each other, and collectively decided not to mention their leaders rumpled clothing, tangled hair, and a suspiciously rocking basket in his arms. 

Well, everyone except for their village idiot. 

“Did you go hunting or something?”

A collective groan arises from the crew, as a loudly hissing, snarling, and fire breathing noodle comes flapping precariously out of the basket. 

No one helped Toklo escape from the wrath of the noodle, and he had to sew his hammock back together that night. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for disapearing on y'all, I got distracted by mermaids and realized that I can write and post things so when I finished my binge of all the mer fics in voltron, bnha, and harry potter, I decided to write my own!! It's a KiriBaku + ShinKami Mer fic, so if you want to read it.... well, it's the only other work I have XD The title is bound to change so I won't put it here. Oh! and it's written like most other Fics are, instead of the way I decided to write this one. 
> 
> But yeah. I have a new fic that I'll alternate writing with, and I'd really appreciate it if you checked it out! 
> 
> Love y'all, stay safe, and yes, the Gaang is going to meet the noodle, as soon as I can figure out how to write the Gaang realistically XD
> 
> (EDIT: Ok, I know I'm not that good of a writer, y'all are just starved for content. The question is if it's Zuko content, Completely platonic and familial relationships instead of everyone shoving romance down your throats, dragons, or just plain old ATLA content. And, for the record, I have been watching this since I was like, 5. I have a giant Appa stuffed animal that stays in my bed now cuz everytime I vrought him out, he'd get a new hole I'd have to patch. Anyways, point is, y'all should get into other fandoms, or create the content you want to see!!! Try it, it's fun :) Ok, bye now, I'm sorry, sleep deprived, and absolutely blaming 2020 for my mental state. Stay safe, wear your masks, and be kind to each other. Please.)


End file.
